The Buehler Buzz

{watch dumb and dumber do up their dwelling}

Month: November, 2012

Bathroom gut (part four)

Alternate title: Extreme Psychosis Exemplified Coupled with Bathroom Gut Part Four (ty-five, because it feels like it’s been going on that long, doesn’t it?)

Where were we?  Oh yes – laying hardwood floor, continuing bathroom renovations, and staining concrete floors.

First up, the bathroom is now looking especially close to finished – lookit:


{What?  That just looks like a papered-over wall?  Why yes, that’s because it IS a papered-over wall… marble wall.  You think I’m going to eff up my awesomely awesome totally radical marble while this spaz (myself) attempts to prime & paint a ceiling with my bad 5’2” self?  You’re just going to have to wait for final after pictures… or more likely in progress pictures, let’s get real.}

The serious good news is that we now just need some paint, a countertop, toilet, sink, pendant lighting, baseboard and trim installations and we’re calling this five month project donezo!

Next in our lineup, the hardwood floors, which are coming along, but honestly are nowhere near  completion.  We’ve managed to finish the foyer, hallway in front of the stairs, and hallway by the stereo.  See? (And yeah, you’re going to have to look PAST all of the shit your eyes want to focus on to see those gleaming beauties that are underneath the current extreme mess.)

 

Slow, but gorgeous, no?  We’re not going slow just because I keep having to take days off due to accidental alcoholic beverage poisoning that I may regularly give myself.  It’s the good ole snowball effect that has us creeping along this time.

Are you not familiar with how small items on your list, such as “lay hardwood floors in kitchen and dining room” gradually expand to “rip out pantry and desk, so we can put the floors under them like Mike Holmes told us to, then move the fridge so we can use the back door again” and then further explode to “we might as well expand these two doorways, rip out unneeded soffits, add actual overhead lighting to replace these fluorescent lights and make this wall a pony wall”?  Um, it goes exactly like I just wrote it, and looks a little like this:

 

Because these Buehlers love nothing more than taking a not-so-easy task and making it harder.

I know it probably doesn’t look like a huge opening to you guys, but we’re widening them by at least 6-10 inches, so they feel HUGE to us.  And those wider doorways are going to allow me to carry my plate of food AND bottle of wine into the living room without turning sideways to fit through my doorway.  YES.
-L

PS: I’m still getting to the concrete floors… but what’s the fun in writing about a mongoloid contractor, burning acid and attempting to teach somebody the difference between “industrial look” and “boot prints” if there isn’t even a resolution to clear it all up at the end of the story?   NO FUN.  Stay tuned.

A small break from the bathroom gut

Alternate title: Extreme Psychosis Coupled with Bathroom Gut Part Three

So you know those mornings on days when you’re refilling your coffee because you’ve decided to work from home that day, and your mate is laying marvelous hardwood floors while your contractor is laying gorgeous tile, and you and said mate turn a three second chat about widening the doorway openings into the kitchen into crowbar action that involves ripping down drywall from said doorways, and then you do  a happy dance when you discover that half of the wall you want to remove is not structural, confirming your dreams of the past six months?

I mean, we’ve all been there, right?  Aren’t those days AWESOME?

Okay, yes, back up and explain… all has been quiet over here because we’re still slow going on the bathroom remodel.  No fault of anybody – our contractor is actually our buddy who has a full-time job and a family.  And we’re in no rush, so we’re meandering through this renovation at what sometimes feels like a glacial pace… but then I check out the room and see the complete magnificence and attention to detail that’s happening in there and I don’t care if it takes another six months to finish it all.  Seriously.  I have amazing taste, people, and this bathroom is going to look GOOD.

Need proof?  Check out this marble:

And since we’re smart (and by “smart”, I mean “stoopid”) we decided that NOW was the time to finally buy and lay those new hardwood floors!  {You all remember that we’ve been living with subfloors for at least a year and a half, since it was discovered that the house was killing me not-so-softly and the predominant predator was the white carpet that covered the entirety of the first floor?  You know, what used to look like this:

Turned into this:

Pretty.}

These new floors are completely amazing and beautiful and magnificent and magical and are TAKING FOREVER TO LAY HOLY SHIT WE MIGHT BE 52 BY THE TIME WE’RE DONE.  As our motto has become “Let’s do this the right way, not the drunken-fool-handyman-special way that it was done before”, we’re not only laying and nailing our tongue-and-groove floors, we decided to glue them down, too.  We also took the time to screw down the old floor with a ridiculously large number of screws to help eliminate squeaking, AND had to level the 2-inch dip in the concrete pad that acts as half our dining room subfloor.

Breakdown:
Days 1-3: Prework.  Screwing, sanding, concrete-leveling, measuring and ripping up all of that disgusting foyer entryway tile.
Day 4, 5 hours: 1 row of flooring laid.

{Here’s how a row of flooring gets laid, by the way – boards are “racked” (laid out in pattern you want, making sure none of seams are lined up right next to the previous rows’ seams), pick up first board, glue floor where board will be placed, seet board in place, smash board with mallet multiple times to make sure it’s tight next to the previous row and board in front of it, point out to Aaron that you can still see lots of gaps, smash board many more times to close gaps, nail in the board using the ear-deafening pneumatic floor nailer, wait for Liz to inspect the finished product, move onto the next board in the row and continue until you hit the board that’s going to run into the wall, whence you must first find a board that’s long enough to hit the wall, but not too long so that you don’t cut off too much as scrap and waste a perfectly good board in the process, measure how long the board should be, take it outside to the table saw, trim the board, glue floor where board will be placed, seet board in place, smash board with mallet multiple times to make sure it’s tight next to the previous row and board in front of it, point out to Aaron that you can still see lots of gaps, smash board many more times to close gaps, nail in the board using the ear-deafening pneumatic floor nailer, wait for Liz to inspect the finished product and REPEAT ONE MILLION TIMES.}

Day 5, 11 hours: 10 rows of flooring laid
Day 6, 4 hours: 8 rows of flooring laid.
And so on…

All of the above means we’re about 3 weeks into floor laying and have accomplished our foyer and the hallway in front of the living room.  Yes.  That is all.  We haven’t even STARTED the dining room or kitchen yet.

Check it out though – they are the most amazing floors I’ve ever laid.



What does all of this mean?  That  since this is clearly going to occupy us until Easter, it was time to start finishing the concrete floor of the living room!  But that’s a story for another day…

Tata,
-L

{PS: Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about the wall-removal I alluded to in the first section.  All in good time, my pretty.  There’s a method to the madness.}

 

{PPS: That method starts with mart, ends with inis and contains 3 olives.}