The Buehler Buzz

{watch dumb and dumber do up their dwelling}

Month: May, 2011

What do you get when you mix…

This:

with a crapload of this:

and let her loose on a bunch of this?

I’m desperately hoping for this:

Wish me luck!
-L

When you just don’t feel like repairing that busted back window in your car…

You go buy this:

Right?

Well… you do if you’re a Buehler, Pryus (your 6 year old Prius) needs too much maintenance and really, you abhor maintenance of any kind that adds up to more than $150, you’re looking at spending a sweet G in a few months for snow tires that may or may not stop you from sliding to your death next winter, the back passenger window is broken and covered in pen courtesy of your darling niece (from when she was much littler – see “maintenance abhorrence” above), the front driver’s side window is leaking from when the car was jimmied because you forgot to tell your sister that the fob was dead and she consequently locked herself out during a Subway run, the windshield wipers really make too much noise, the car is overall slightly dirty, and seriously?  IT FITS INTO THE GARAGE!

So friends, meet Charlie.  She’ll be living in our garage for the next few years.  Or until the garage falls down and kills her… which puts me in a weird spot because I LOVE Charlie and now don’t want the garage to fall down.  Hmmm… something to ponder.

(Don’t worry, we’re still the hoopies of the block.  Even though the hoopie pile has been officially disbanded, don’t forget that Fred still lives in our driveway:


Winning!)

-L

 

PS: Yeah, that was a probably an outdated CS reference at this point but really?  Still awesome.

A few updates…

1.  This guy?

Yeah, he’s still missing.  We’re waiting for either the stink of death to start emanating from somewhere weird, or for Lex to go crazy because he finds a hole to the outside that Alvin’s been using as his own personal entrance.

2.  This guy?

Totally took a dump in his new crate this morning.  Apparently it’s our fault because we got him a new HUMONGOUS crate and if there’s room to chill at one end and do your business at the other, they will.  Things you’d think we’d have learned BEFORE getting the dog.  Must have missed that Cesar tip… or (far likelier scenario) had consumed too much wine while reading that passage, thus damaging my recall skills.  Drat.  Think we got mad?

Nah.

3.  This guy?

Is how we’ve had to jerry-rig our toilet seat for the last year.  See this toilet bowl, how it actually curves down around the edges, thereby forcing the user to completely strain the bolts holding the seat onto the bowl if you shift your weight to one side while wiping?  
Yep, we purchased SIX new toilet seats before we realized this little quirk on the toilet.  The desire to continue paying our mortgage has forced us to resort to pieces of MDF glued onto the toilet seat.  Hey, I’ve said it before – we’re proud hoopies.  Because this fix is FREE.  And it’s fun to answer this question every time a male uses your bathroom, “What the eff is going on in your toilet, dudes?!”

4. These guys?

Totally meant to finally clean out the hoopie pile in the back of the house, switch the garage bays and mow our grass this weekend.  But we played with him instead:

We’re hoping we get our mojo back for the house projects soon, but we’ve been far too busy continually congratulating ourselves on our awesome dog… shiteating and poopfactory traits notwithstanding, of course.

Later taters,
-L

Say hi to the newest Buehler!

Welcoming… Alexander Luthor Buehler, henceforth referred to as Lex.  (If he ever learns his name, that is.  I mean jeez, I thought poodles were supposed to be geniuses.  It’s been 3 whole days and all he’s learned to do is cry by the back door to be let outside when he has to pee, found the squeaky spots on all his new toys, and sit on command.  What a dummy.)  A black standard poodle, he’ll eventually be about 75 pounds, but at 2 months old and 12 pounds he looks like this right now:

Having been puppy owners for quite some time now, (what? It’s been a whole 72 hours) we’ve found out a few things about ourselves that are proving to be exactly the opposite of how we always thought we’d react.  I’ve been reading the puppy books and relaying the information to Aaron, and we thought we were prepared for most puppy-related things.  See, usually I’m the planner and the hardass, and Aaron is the “let’s wing it!” guy and the softie.  At least, in our heads those are our family roles; throw a puppy into the mix and all of a sudden we’re switching it up.

For instance – all day Saturday (we brought him home Saturday morning), I thought he was going to die at any moment.  Seriously.  I kept asking my mom questions such as, “Mom, he hasn’t peed in TWO WHOLE HOURS! Is he going to die?!” and “Mom, he has the HICCUPS! Is he going to die?!” and “Mom, he hasn’t pooped ALL DAY! Is he going to die?!”.  Yeah, I was nervous.  Ridiculously and annoyingly nervous.  About EVERYTHING he was doing.

And Aaron?  Wants to immediately start hardcore training him.  As in, he has to sit before the leash goes on.  He has to sit and make eye contact with you before he gets his food.  We have to ignore him when he’s crying in his crate until he calms down.  He’s not allowed to come into ANY room of the house except the kitchen.  We have to clamp his mouth shut and say ‘No’ and then he must be given a chew toy immediately if he nibbles on anything.  Now, these are actually excellent tips for training and we talked about them before bringing Lex home and theoretically, I’m on board.

Until I see this face:

And then I just want to let him do anything he wants.  All the time.  Forever.  While giving him big kisses.  Turns out I’m a huge Gaywad.  With a capital G, like my mate.

There’s just one little thing that’s taking me totally by surprise… our genius, best-dog-in-the-whole-world, totally adorable pup has decided that he loves nothing more than to root around in our pachysandra and chew on pieces of SHIT that he finds hidden in it.  Seriously.  He even managed to swallow one last night before we could get it out of his mouth.

I might have to rethink this “genius” label…

Nah.

-L

Come meet our new friend

You know when you’re sitting on your couch, minding your own business and debating whether or not you should go for the 3rd glass of wine because really, it’s Wednesday already and you don’t have anything major happening tomorrow and it’s good wine and why not and then you notice a slight movement of some sort out of the corner of your eye and you turn to your right to see this guy hanging out in your hallway?

And then you start screaming, “Holy shit!  Aaron, there’s a CHIPMUNK hanging out in our hallway!” and get up and run over there but the chipmunk runs away and you spend a good 30 minutes looking for him while your mate grabs the Grabber and runs around the house with it telling you he’s going to grab the chipmunk with the Grabber and throw him out the front door when he finds it, but he doesn’t find it so he gathers up some old glue traps and covers them with peanut butter and puts it in the hallway, and then 3 days later the trap is gone and you think your mate has thrown it out but he hasn’t so it must be glued to some animal that’s still LIVING IN YOUR HOUSE and that was a week ago AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T FOUND HIM?

What, that only happens to us?

At least we got to have fun with the Grabber.

 

Tata,

-L