The Buehler Buzz

{watch dumb and dumber do up their dwelling}

Month: November, 2010

Musings by RTW, aka my dad

Scene: Basement, this weekend

Actions: Painting (of course. That’s all we know how to do besides our master carpentry skills.)

Quote: “We should call ourselves Eat, Fart and Paint… sounds funner than that movie to me.”

Back by popular demand!

I bet you thought I’d never write again, didn’t you?  Well, kids, today is your lucky day because although I have been SO BUSY doing, well, umm… not much, actually, I’ve decided to break that trend and fill you all in on some awesome happenings around the Buehler abode recently!  Plus, at LEAST 2 people have asked for an update and really, who am I to deny our fans?

So, remember the living room before and after shots I showed you last time?  Let’s have a refresher…

Yeah, after reviewing those shots they’re a little crazy.  Specifically – did you even notice the small lady wrapped up like a burrito on the couch in the first shot?  That would be mi madre, Johnnie.  And I’m going to tell  you a story about her now:

Johnnie Gail is a whack-o.  A completely insane and lovable woman who calls me at work during the middle of the day to ask me to start thinking up a new floor plan for the basement of their house because “that pull-out sofa bed is SO TERRIBLE I just can’t force our guests to sleep down there like that anymore.  And if I change it to a Murphy bed and a new sleeper sofa, we could easily get four people down there instead of two!  Plus, I’m sick of the ‘porn star lounge’ look… it’s just getting old.”  How you can you not love that person?  It’s impossible.

Now that you have a small inkling of this gal, you’ll understand why I’m bringing her into these here shenanigans.  Johnnie decided that she NEEDED to come to our house and help us paint the living room, dining room, and basement.  Not only did she offer up herself to help get these projects done, she offered up my dad, too.

I hear you all thinking, “You’re kidding me!  You and Aaron are in your 30’s and you still need your MOM to come help you with your house?!”
My response is this:  Uh, of course we do – we’re practically retarded.  Duh.

Anyway…

They came.  For a week.  Actually, 10 days.  And it was glorious.  Some would think that having their parents living at their house for 10 days would be excruciating, and that they’d have to kick their parents out after 3 days or so because get serious, we all moved out in the first place for a good reason and I’ll slam my god damn door if I want to, DAD, don’t you DARE try to take my door off the hinges again, you psycho!

But it was seriously awesome.  I’m going to give you a breakdown of that week:
AM: Johnnie up, coffee-ing, and doing the crossword by 9 am.  Stays in this position until 11 or so.
AM: Liz, Aaron, and Tom up, out, and off to their respective jobs.
AM/PM: Johnnie schleps down to the basement and begins 6-9 hours of painting.
AM/PM: Liz, Aaron, and Tom work.
PM: Johnnie continues painting.
PM: Tom comes home and joins Johnnie.
PM: Liz and Aaron come home and go downstairs to watch her parents paint their basement.  (We obviously have no shame, and I work really, really hard looking at a computer all day and talking about ERP stuff and being bossy.  I mean, come on, nobody actually expects me to paint after doing all that every day, do they?!)
Later PM: Liz, Aaron, and Tom drink martinis and get silly.
Later PM: Johnnie is allowed to watch as much HGTV as her heart desires as a reward for her work.

Now, repeat this exact pattern for SIX DAYS STRAIGHT.  Because that, my friends, is how long it took my parents to prime and paint the entire basement.  We’re talking ceilings yellowed from nicotine (yep, this is a household theme that you definitely should have caught onto by now), previously unpainted paneled walls, and some sweet apricot colored cabinets.  Just to put this in perspective, it took them 6 gallons of ceiling paint to paint one coat over the textured ceiling.  Can you believe that?  Me neither.  But I also can’t believe what it looks like down there now, either.  Are you ready?

The swinging before shots:

And now!


Can you even believe how non-creepy it is now?  Because I really can’t.  I still find myself going down there and just staring.  Staring at the brightness of the room, staring at the brightened up laundry area, staring into the closets that I now know are not housing dead bodies… it’s seriously amazing what a 5’ woman and 37 gallons of white paint can do.

Living room and dining room updates to follow… shortly… if you’re lucky.  But I’m nothing if not totally inconsistent, so don’t hold your breath.

Ta ta!